I have realised something that I’ve actually known for a while but have never wanted to face. The fact that I’ve deceived myself big time. The fact that I believed I can have something without putting in the work. After falling for this trap over and over many times, I am beginning to see this illusion with a clarity I have never had before.
Believing I can make $1000 simply by paying $1000. Believing I can buy clarity, that I can buy self-knowledge. That I can pay for information and that that information alone will give me what I want without me ever having to put in the work. The fantasy of the get-rich-quick scheme, of everything falling into place with no effort what so ever on my part. The illusion of short term rewards. The illusion that somehow it will all work out even if I do nothing.

I realise this might seem completely absurd and stupid, that it’s easy to think that any rational person would never think like that, but it doesn’t work like that. This is real. This is a serious thing. Millions fall for this idea that you can have something for nothing. It’s such a seductive idea. An illusion you don’t even see. A matrix.

Realising this leaves an acrid taste in my mouth, a taste of disgust. How could you ever fall prey to such an illusion? To such foolish thinking?
It feels disempowering when in fact it is empowering; it gives me the control. I control my efforts.

This feels so bad because it forces me to wake up and see that I was sleeping. To see that I’ve been fooling myself and that I have fucked up.

It is actually hard to admit because it means looking at myself for real. Seeing how badly I’ve messed up. That I’ve been misleading myself. That I thought everything would just be handed to me, a job, money, a fulfilling life. But that is an illusion!

Now comes the scary part. I have realised this and now I fear falling down the same downward spiralling staircase called illusion and fantasy because it is the easy thing to do.

It’s soooo easy! Terrifyingly easy!

All I have to do is … well … nothing. All I have to do is keep doing what I’ve been doing up until now. Avoiding the problem. To continue believing in the fantasy because it is reassuring and so much easier than dealing with the problem and facing the reality. To distract myself with movies, fluffy ideas and total nonsense. Shattering a fantasy you’ve taken comfort in for so long is painful. Not pleasant at all. Scary even.

But  it is a necessity now. I need to get out of this illusion. To stay clear of this easy, quick solution that is not a solution. To think long-term instead of short-term. To figure out how to get out of this illusion for good. Because one thing is for sure, if I do nothing, I will be lead astray once more.

Writing this article is a first step for me. What are you doing to get out of this?