Have you ever been in a situation where you simply wanted to know something, out of curiosity. You have this question you want an answer to. You’ve prepared the question in your head for the last five minutes. All you have to do is ask your question. The teacher/friend/stranger is 10 feet away from you. Oh, but there are people around you. They might think your question is stupid. The teacher might think you question is stupid. You finally decide it’s not worth asking. And, you don’t ask. Then later you regret not having asked.

Today’s post is about overcoming this and simply asking you question. It’s about creating the mindset appropriate to asking questions and getting comfortable doing it.

Questions Aren’t Stupid

First of all, no question is stupid. Not a single one. It may be inappropriate or out of context, but no question is ever stupid. If you kill questions you kill curiosity. 

The Spotlight Effect

OGM, if I ask a question everyone is going to be looking at me ! This is believing you’re always the center of attention, and that you’re every move is watched very carefully. This comes from you being constantly at the center of your own world. It is normal, but you have to recognise that nobody really cares about what you do.

Think about it: When you see other people around you do you watch them very carefully? Do you pay attention to everything they do? Of course you don’t. First of all, it’s not possible to pay attention to everybody. Second, you are often thinking more about yourself and don’t care whether John has a pink sweater, Julie is sleeping or Jessica isn’t paying attention. Everybody does this. If you want to test this and see for yourself, you can do something that is out of the ordinary for you. You will find that few people ever notice, let alone say anything about it.

You’re Not Alone

You’re not the only one who has questions. You asking questions implicitly gives permission to others to do the same. Be a leader, that means going first. It may be awkward, but you’ll be fine. Odds are, you’re not the only one to have the same question. In class, I occasionally get people who come up to me later and thank me for having asked my questions, because they themselves were wondering about the same thing but didn’t have the courage to ask.

The Worst They Can Say Is ‘No’

This is something I learned from my dad. When you want to ask for something, ask for it. The worst they can say is ‘No’. Don’t go over the hundred reasons why you don’t what to ask it? This is the thing I have found to be most practical, because it reduces the risk and puts things into perspective.

When I was little, if I saw a stranger playing with a ball, I would want to play with him. My little brother would want the same exact thing but the difference was that he would go ask if he could play, while I stay put going over reasons not to ask. Almost every time he would end up playing with someone else and I would end up watching because I was scared to go over and play. After, going through this many times and seeing what I was losing, I finally began to ask. It was terrifying but I actually got to play or try something new. Over time this got easy. Now I can go over and ask without, going over a thousand reasons not to act.

If someone is playing with a football and you want to play with them. Go ahead ask. Worst case scenario they will say no. If they say no, no problem just go on doing what you were doing, or ask someone else. However if you ask, it is likely they will say yes. Try it, have fun with it.

Always remember: If you do not ask the answer is always no. Only by asking can the answer be yes. So ask, and don’t apologise for asking. To put it another way if you don’t ask you you have a 0% chance of ‘yes’. If you ask, though, the chance of ‘yes’ increases exponentially.

 

I hope you got something out of this post. It’s easy to not do anything. If you want something you have to go get it, ask for it or take action. The next time you have a question, remember, the worst they can say is ‘No’.