As I’m writing this I’m asking myself what I should write about. But there is no should. I can write about what I want.

Here is an interesting experience I have occasionally when driving. I got my licence at 18 and have driven around a fair amount. When driving alone, at some point I have this realisation and weird feeling: “I can kill myself just by turning the wheel.” Now to be clear I don’t want to kill myself, but when that kind of thought comes up in your mind, it’s weird.

You realise how fleeting everything is. How fragile it is. There is this morbid curiosity of what if? What if I tried? What if I turned the wheel to see what happens? All I have to do is drive into another car head on and the impact would surely kill me. But that would kill someone else. And what if you didn’t kill yourself?

But then … I don’t want to do it, because if I do it’ll probably be the last thing I ever do, and that isn’t something I want. You appreciate what you have more when you realise just how fast it can all go away.

It’s terrifying and deeply calming at the same time. You have this feeling of control but then you realise everyone else can have the same thoughts as you and you are grateful for what you have.