Understanding how we think is key to taking effective action. In this post I’ll cover how our self-centered attention limits our action and how to go about using this to our advantage.

Everyone at some point thinks they are unique and at the center of the world. This is understandable as all our life we life we’re at the center of our own world, in our body and our mind. We are not, though, at the center of the world. This is like thinking the world is at the center of the solar system. This is why we thought for hundreds of years that we lived in a geocentric system – centered around the Earth. Even after Galileo Galilei, assured us it must be a heliocentric system – centered around the sun. He was tried by the Inquisition for such a belief and accused of heresy. It took many more years for this to be accepted as fact.

We think everything revolves around us. The planets, the moon, the sun. But it simply isn’t true. It is not possible, as everyone is at the center of their own world, and, like us thinks in a similar fashion, that everything revolves around them. If everything revolves around everybody it revolves around nobody.

So, most people are self-absorbed and never even consider you. Most people never pay attention to what you do, most people never will. This is not to be a depressing thought, rather we can see it as a positive thought, helping us take action.

If you hold a coin palmed in you hand and go walk in a mall or among a crowd, you might experience the following thoughts. Since you feel the coin and know it is in your hand, you believe everyone must see the coin and everyone must be looking at you. To you it is self-evident. The coin is in your hand. You are hyperaware of it, and of yourself. Can’t these people see I have something in my hand? No they can’t they are self-absorbed or do not notice you.

You’re hyperawareness about yourself gives you the feeling that you are being watched by many people, when in fact, you are simply being watched by yourself more carefully.

Don’t flatter yourself by thinking everyone would take some of their precious attention and give it to you just like that.

You can do virtually anything and nobody will notice, at most only a few. Of these few they’ll think either that you’re a weird person, at worst they might even say something if so inclined, or they’ll shrug it off and go back to their own egotistical thoughts.

If you have long hair, and you trim and inch, how many people notice it? Not many? How surprising. But my partner didn’t even notice, my colleague at work whom I see every day didn’t even notice. What does it matter? Do you really need someone to brush your ego all the time? Be content with the fact that you notice the difference.

When I explain this to someone and advise them to do something they consider weird in public, they cringe, and act as if everyone were going to see. The truth is most people are too occupied by themselves, their problems, their thoughts, to notice or even care about you. This may seem a bit, crude and insulting, but it is true.

To feel the truth of these words, consider what you do when in public. What do you think about? Are you constantly noticing everybody around you, paying very special attention to their every words, gestures, clothes? Do you not tend to think of yourself?

Do not think you are the only person who does this. It is inherently human. Everyone does it. It also explains why we cherish the attention of others. We don’t get it very often so when we do we enjoy it and it makes us feel good about ourselves. If you want someone to feel special, all you have to do is often to give them some of your attention.

What use is this? How can this help me?

It can help you in the following ways. The next time you want to do something and your excuse is “Well, a lot of people are going to notice”, “I’m going to look funny”, “It’s embarrassing”, it means you are thinking too much of yourself, you think you are super important. Come back down to reality. You’re not. Whatever you might be told, you’re not that special, don’t flatter yourself. Stay humble and recognise this truth and you will be free of the judgement of others, realising it is often only your own judgement you hear. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. This will help you take action. Go ahead and test this out for yourself as a fun little experiment. Do something different, something you deem bizarre and pay attention to the reactions you get around you. The results will be interesting.